Collector 1: "This Robert Johnson 78 looks too good to be true."

Collector 2: "Of course it does. It's new. It's fake. Vocalion didn't make vinyl microgroove records in the 1930s. And look, it says 'Rechanneled for Stereo.'"

Collector 3: "How do you know it's fake?  We need to get the label tested by a paper expert."

Collector 2: "No you don't. There was no such thing as stereo in the '30s."

Collector 4: "Testing the label won't prove anything. Anybody can get 1930s paper. You need to test the ink."

Collector 2: "You don't need to test the label OR the ink. Just look at it -- it can't be original."

Collector 5: "Most of the collector experts who've looked at the record think it's fake...."

Collector 6: "Yeah, but they all have ulterior motives -- they want to buy it cheap. Somebody OUTSIDE the hobby needs to authenticate it."

Collector 2: "THE RECORD IS NEW. THIS TECHNOLOGY DIDN'T EXIST WHEN THE RECORD WAS ALLEGEDLY PRESSED."

Collector 7: "Send it to a paper expert outside the hobby. They can date the label and the ink. If it dates back to 1936, there's a chance it's real. Then let the courts decide."

Collector 8: "But it's pretty easy to get 1930s paper and 1930s ink.  Just because the ink was from the period, doesn't mean it's real."

Collector 2: "What are you all TALKING about?  If you saw a Paramount with 'Amazon.com' printed on it, you'd know it's modern without having to test the f***ing label!"

Collector 9: "I vote we put the money in escrow and then pull together a panel of leading paper and ink experts, do a thorough forensic analysis, and then have a secret ballot vote on the issue."

Collector 2: "Are my words being written in some kind of invisible typeface? Can you see what I'm writing? Is there something wrong with my computer?"

Collector 10: "That sounds great. Maybe we can also do some radiocarbon dating if we can get a large enough core sample of the paper fibers."

Collector 11: "Some bootleggers use enhanced robotic equipment and nanotechnology to do sophisticated paper fiber stitching, to make new paper appear old, and then they artificially age the record label in a hyperbaric chamber, and then laser print the image utilizing ink taken directly from the Shroud of Turin, so paper analysis might not be conclusive."

Collector 2: "Hello? Hello?  I have a Coca Cola can from 1492..."

Collector 12: "Wait - I just thought of something. What if PART of the record came from 1936, but not the WHOLE thing? What if the label was created in 1936, but the vinyl was pressed later, like in 1940, utilizing some sophisticated pressing process that's since become obsolete?"

Collector 2: "I have the credit card receipts from George Washington's stay at the Motel 6 in Hoboken. I have King Henry VIII's old Honda Civic."

Collector 13: "I hadn't thought of that. Has Tefteller looked at the record? What did he say?"

Collector 2: "Why not just ask Robert Johnson? He comes to my door once a month trying to sell The Watchtower."

Collector 14: "Tefteller thinks it's fake. But if the paper test proves it's real, I'll give you $50K for it."

Collector 15: "I don't think it's worth $50K...."

Collector 2: "How much will you give me for Abe Lincoln's Taco Bell wrappers?"

Collector 16: "It's worth it, man. It's a piece of history."

Collector 2: "THERE WERE NO VINYL STEREO 78s IN THE 1930s!!!!!"

Collector 17: "...$50K is a lot of money..."

Collector 18: "Dude, it's an unplayed Robert Johnson! You could get $100K for it on eBay..."

Collector 2:  <signing off>